i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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