he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
