Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
