so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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