Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
