oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
