I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
