finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
