hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
