So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
