Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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