You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
