after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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