But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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