i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
