Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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