You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
