Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
