So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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