The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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