Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
