you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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