Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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