I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
