Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
