I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
