i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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