You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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