You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
