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apparently the secret to your success is patron
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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