my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize