just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
