Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
