found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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