you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
