My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
