his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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