at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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