Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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