Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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