I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
