As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
