Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
