thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
