He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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