I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wear drunk well.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
