Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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