Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
