Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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