So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
