im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
