you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
