Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm always down for nudity.
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