Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
