I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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