Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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