And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
