I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
