oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
