I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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