Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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