Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
areolas are like halos for boobs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
