its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
