I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
