He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
