It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize