Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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