the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
