What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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