I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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