Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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